Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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