I think my fart just growled at me.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
