some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
