i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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