Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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