he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
