Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
