He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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