okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
