Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
