would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
