Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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