I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Let's get the cat blown out
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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