I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
