Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
