I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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