p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
