wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
