I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
