Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
