So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
