Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
