I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
