Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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