Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
well you can't waste a boner
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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