yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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