I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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