The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
