Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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