Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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