I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
