genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
