I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
