Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
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Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
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the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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