Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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