i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
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You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
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I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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