You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
