would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
