When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
