you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
