Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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