I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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