i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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