so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
