We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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