She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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