Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Pooping to opera.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
