I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize