Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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