elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
