I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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