Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
