your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
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She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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