I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
