in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
