FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My dick has a subreddit
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
