Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
