Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
