I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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