Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
