This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
