..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
