dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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