I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
