singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
