i jhust puked up my retainher.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
