Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
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I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize