My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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